


Feeling and Knowing

by myriade



Category: Noblesse (Manhwa)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 07:12:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5239259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myriade/pseuds/myriade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seira knows herself and her feelings well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling and Knowing

Seira knows herself. She has always spent a lot of time reflecting over things that happen and how she feels about them. It's part of why she's often quiet, she prefers to have had an adequate amount of time to think before she speaks.

She hasn’t thought much about anything relating to romance and love, mostly because she hasn't met anyone among the nobles who inspire such feelings in her. For all that Rael has expressed an interest in marrying her, those feelings are not returned and his horrible reaction to being turned down has only soured her feelings for him more. She finds herself unable to really see him as even a potential friend, his feelings too selfish and toxic and his behaviour too erratic. She simply doesn't like him. (In her cruder moments, she will admit that she finds that she prefers someone who’s taller.)

She does feel, however, that she has matured a lot during her time in the human world. Not because she was immature before — she was forced to grow up rather quickly with the death of her father — but because she has seen the world and the people in it from a new perspective. She has grown and so her outlook on the world has matured and grown.

Initially, she viewed everyone from the perspective on chronological age. When Yuna and Suyi brought up how lucky she was to live surrounded by so many handsome men, she had simply found the idea amusing. Aside from Raizel-nim and house owner, the only one even close to her own age was Regis, and she certainly cannot view him in such a light.

The longer she spent in Frankenstein's house, however, the more she realised that viewing humans from a perspective of chronological age is unfair. While it's true that both she and Regis are almost ten times older than Tao, M-21 and Takeo, they are considered adults for their race — where Regis is still considered barely more than a child, and she herself is only really considered an adult because she shoulders the heavy burden of being a clan leader. Seen from that perspective, the three of them are actually older than she is.

Furthermore... the more she has learned about their past, the more she feels that her viewing him as young because of their apparent age was quite insulting to them. 

Thinking of M-21 as too young would belittle the heaviness of his past and the many scars he carries with him from it. If anything, the youth he should still possess has in a way been stolen from him, aside from a few moments every now and then, he acts for the most part as someone far far older than he actually is. She has heard some of what he experienced under Crombell's thumb, and it is horrifying.

As time passed, she found herself watching him more and more. From the gentle fall of his hair to the width of his shoulders and the apparent strength of his hands.

She knows that if you were to put them against each other, power to power, she would beat him. However... he feels strong. More than that, despite how a lot of him seems hollowed out and emptied, he's seems to be slowly filling himself with warm emotions and happiness — slowly but surely. 

He's handsome, there's no doubt about that. She hears a lot of her classmates gossip about him, talking about his mysterious aura and how happy they are that they can see him every day. Much the same as they do with Raizel-nim.

She finds her eyes tracking his movements across the room when they're at the house. She casts covert glances that she makes sure no one notices. She keeps her interest in him to herself. Her emotions, as she works them out, are for her and her alone. No one else needs to know how she feels about him, especially not before she herself is sure.

Still, she finds herself imagining stroking his cheek, running her fingers through his hair and leaning back in his embrace. It feels odd to her, to imagine things like these. She hasn't ever done so before.

She muses idly over how Rael would react should he find out that not only does she feel this way about a human, but a modified human. It's none of his business and he has no claim on her, but the thought still amuses her greatly. 

She has fallen for someone Rael could never be. Someone who cares, who would do much to spare others from sharing his fate, who places little value in himself and much more in others. Someone who only chases power in order to protect those he cares for, the few he lets close. 

Her father once told her that she should only be with someone she feels is worthy of her feelings and the things she can give them. Someone she feels would give her as much as they would take.

She imagines her father would be proud of her choice. She has chosen a man who would hardly ask for anything, but give everything. They are not together, and M-21 knows not how she feels for him, but that is okay.

Even as time passes, Seira finds herself unable to speak to M-21 about how she feels. Her feelings grow stronger, deeper, but she still holds them back. She watches him flourish as he becomes closer with everyone else in the households, as he finds new friends to fight and care for. It warms her when she realises that he considers her a friend, if perhaps nothing more.

Regis has started looking at her oddly, as if he suspects something. She knows that he can't possibly guess what she feels, but he is suspicious... and that makes Rael more aggressive and pushy. He wants to know what she's thinking about whenever he catches Regis sending her concerned glances, and no matter how many times she tells Rael that it's frankly none of his business, he doesn't let up.

It rankles. Why can't he respect her wishes? Doesn't he realise that any chance he might have ever had to gain her affections has been brutally murdered by his own hands with the way he acts towards her. The utter lack of respect for her will and her wishes... No. She will never feel the same for Rael, and she will never give him any sort of affection. Not even the sisterly type she gives Regis.

She starts sitting closer to M-21, Tao, or Takeo whenever they're all on the couch. Preferably next to M-21, she can at least give her heart that much, but as long as she's close to at least one of them Rael tends to keep at least some distance. He still hasn't gotten over the fact that they're modified humans. As if that somehow makes them lesser (Frankenstein is one too after all, and he is far above Rael's skill level).

Whenever she's seated next to M-21, she can't help but breathe in his scent. Warm and soothing with a hint of musk. She imagines being wrapped in his arms and having her face buried in his chest or the crook of his neck, just breathing that scent in. The thought is dizzying and she feels slightly silly for entertaining it — she's a clan leader, she should know better than harbour such hidden fantasies.

Fairly soon she starts suspecting that Frankenstein knows; and if Frankenstein knows, then Raizel-nim certainly know as well. The thought that someone knows of her feelings makes heat gather in her cheeks, she should have hidden it better.

It doesn't take long for the feeling of people _knowing_ to get a bit too much for her. It's not that she thinks Frankenstein or Raizel-nim would ever betray her by telling anyone about her feelings, but there's just something about someone else knowing that makes them feel more real somehow; like they're more than just something that exist within her without any connection to the world around her.

That Regis doesn't know, but suspecting something, also complicates matters. He's rather hot headed, most likely from still being so young, mentally and age wise, so he risks blurting it out without thought in front of whoever might be present, be it M-21 or Rael.

Rael knowing would be a huge headache, and would take more energy to deal with than she feels like spending on him. Mot to mention that there's always a risk that he would attack M-21 in a fit of envious rage. She doesn't want that. She doesn't want her feelings to be the cause for him being hurt. Of course, with Tao and Takeo by his side it's fully plausible he'll be able to keep Rael at bay, but if Rael attacks suddenly and seemingly without provocation...

she worries. Which ends up fanning the flames. Rael gets more insistent to know what she's thinking about, Regis grows increasingly worried and so does the rest of the household. 

She finds her sitting with Frankenstein and Raizel-nim, late at night, trying to just breathe. It's becoming suffocating, not just her untold feelings, but the way her companions act. M-21, Tao and Takeo are all good about keeping their distance and respecting her boundaries. But both Rael and Regis have begun to fray her nerves.

Frankenstein gently grips her shoulder, a feeling of warmth, strength and comfort, so reminiscent of her father that she has half a mind to cry. She won't though; she will persevere, she will endure...

She will tell M-21 how she feels.

It takes her a while to summon the courage. Both because she doesn't want to face rejection, but also because she doesn't want to burden him with her feelings. They are hers to deal with, but if she doesn't get them off her chest, she might explode with how the others act right now.

She will tell him.

Of course, that ends up being easier said than done. She wishes to talk to him about it in private and getting him alone without raising suspicion is a rather arduous task. 

She finally gets her chance when Tao, Takeo and M-21 go for a patrol around the school while both Regis and Rael are preoccupied with the kids. She quickly takes her leave, telling Frankenstein that she feels the need to take a walk. He smiles at her — and she _knows_ that he knows what she's actually doing — and wishes her a nice walk.

Finding M-21 is no hardship, and she's pleased to see that the three of them has split up to cover more ground, just as she hoped.

He hears her coming and turns to her, a surprised expression quickly flitting across his face before it returns to its usual calm.

"There is something I wish to speak with you about, M-21," she says as she reaches his side. He nods in understanding and they start making their way across his patrol route at a languid pace.

"What is it you wanted to talk about?" He doesn't beat around the bush, which she finds that she appreciates. His bluntness is rather part of his charm and she will return it with her own. As she opens her mouth to speak, her heart flutters in her chest.

"I have romantic feelings towards you." 

M-21 stops suddenly, and Seira stops as well and turns to face him. His eyes are wide and his mouth slightly opened, most likely from the shock of her words.

"What?" he croaks, disbelief evident in his voice.

"I have feelings for you that are romantic rather than platonic. I do not mean to put any sort of burden upon you by sharing this with you. It's simply that keeping them to myself has started to cause trouble in the household. You might have noticed Mr. Rael and Regis's agitation lately."

He blinks at her, apparently at a loss for words, before he nods slightly. Of course he would have noticed, for all that Rael is of the Kertia clan he is not especially subtle.

M-21 seems uncertain how he should react from the information he was just given, so Seira decides to help him.

"I do not need a reply immediately. Whether you return my feelings or not, you do not have to answer right now. Take your time, think about it if you wish. There is no time limit for this." She lets the corners of her mouth rise slightly, to the barest hint of a smile.

"... I will," he says, and nods, expression serious. She nods in return.

"I will take my leave then, M-21." She heads back towards the house, feeling calmer and more collected than she has in a while. She hadn't actually noticed that she was slightly strained, but now that she has spoken of her feelings out loud... it's almost as if a burden has somehow lifted.

When she returns to the house, Rael nigh ambushes her by the door.

"Where did you go?!" he demands, eyes blazing. Seira feels her good mood evaporate and she gives him a cool look.

"I went for a walk, Mr. Rael," she says and brushes by him, gracefully dodging the hand that tries to catch her arm — probably to prolong the conversation — and heads into the living room to where the children are still loudly playing a game.

Regis has stopped giving her those glances and he seems relieved. He must have noticed that the slight strain of keeping her emotions hidden has lessened some. He's such a sweet child.

Rael has backed off somewhat, he too must have noticed that whatever weighed on her mind is no longer much of an issue. Perhaps he has even realised that no matter how many times he demands she tell him, she will not do so.

She puts him out of her thoughts and goes about her days as usual.

It is a little over a week later when it happens.

She watches M-21 come towards her in the hallway. There’s no one else around, she was heading to her room and he has been down in the lab. Their meeting is purely by chance, but...

There’s a small smile on his face, gentle and fond, and a slight blush on his cheeks as his eyes meet hers. He reaches his hand out and nods slightly.

Her heart pounds in her chest, she feels her cheeks heat and her lips split in a smile wider than any she’s ever had before. She feels the crinkling of her skin by her eyes and there’s a part of her that wants to laugh, because she knows what he means.

He says _yes_.


End file.
